An Education

I find myself in a bit of a dilemma these days. Ironic, considering it’s nearly Near Year’s Eve. & it feels all high schoolly and stuff. I have a bunch of ‘new friends’ who are quite good at ignoring me. I feel invisible around them, no matter how hard I try to connect with them. It’s an awful feeling to be dismissed and ignored. Plus when someone is not around, that person gets talked about. Which tells me that no one is safe… you leave the room, you get dogged out. So unnice. I think they are an unnice bunch. Makes you wonder why I even want to be around them(?).

I find them interesting. The artsy, New York, creative stuff they are into. That said, I realize they don’t really do much, but they are really good at talking about it. It’s so much fun sitting around hearing about how they almost had it all, in lounge-y pretty places with lights and music and cocktails in Greenwich village. But at the same time they are quite self centered and unkind. It hurts to be around them, not to mention the hangovers after long nights of drinking. And they drink a lot!! I find it hard to believe how much they drink… the vodka and whisky goes down like a glass of water on an half hour basis… my judging them is my frustration, I admit. So with the New Year finding its way nearer and nearer, I find that I would like to be in kinder, more authentic company… I might do Kathie Griffin and Anderson Cooper.

Maybe not a good time to break up with drinking buddies just before the New Year. But it might be worth it, if it means my heart is soothed by being away from how mean and narcissistic they are. I judge, I know, but for me, this situation needs judging so I can see it for what it is, make my decisions and move on.

(If you haven’t seen the film An Education, do. It’s a fine one. You can have a glimpse of it here.

Please, dear Reader, wish me luck as I venture off for friendlier environs…

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